Oh... this is special!There's no way I'd miss to recommend THIS fan fiction to you. Again I'll let the two halfs of my split personality review it: my analytical Inner Artist and my average Inner Fangirl - namely: Artsie and Fanny. (You haven't met them yet? Click here to learn about them). They will tell you WHY this one is so special... Let me change to the magic red type font to call them out - just a sec.
So here we are. Artsie? Fanny? We've got some work to do.
Fanny: We're back, we're back!!!! (does happy dance)
Artsie: I've been looking forward to this, Betti.
So was I. And I know you want to get started.
Let me just give our readers the basics, ok?
- Title: Bedtime Stories
- Author: afragilelittlehuman
- Genre: romance
- Centered around: Edward & Bella (and a certain song)
- Rated M: content suitable for adults and mature teens age 16+
- Status: Finished / one-shot
The stage is yours, girls!
Fanny: (...)
Artsie: (...)
Uhm... girls?
Artsie: I'm just waiting for Fanny to do her usual
"let-me-start-let-me-start" fuss.
Fanny: I don't want to start. Artsie shall start.
Artsie: (sighs) What is it this time?
Fanny: Well... I didn't know it is a one-shot, ok? What is that anyway?
Who is shooting who? And is there any such a thing like a two-shot, too? Or a three-shot...
Artsie: No, silly - there isn't.
It's a self-contained short story, Fanny.
Fanny: Oh. You mean, it's finished? That's it? No more chappies?
Artsie: Yep. Well spotted.
Fanny: No Bella and Edward in Ireland? Too bad... (pouts)
Watch your mouth, Fanny - no spoilers! Remember?
Fanny: Ok, ok.
Artsie: I guess I'd better start now, since Fanny is obviously mentally disabled today. First we should mention that this fanfiction has a special and interesting origin. Right, Betti? (smirks)
Yes, but... well, it's nothing actually, you know...
(shrugs awkwardly)
Artsie: You shouldn't downplay it. I think it was a cool deal.
Fanny: Absolutely. Listen, folks, this is the back story of it:
so this afragilelittlehuman had published this other twific "Breathe Me", and...
Artsie: Which is really good, by the way.
Fanny: ...it is still in the making, because this one is NO one-shot.
Artsie: (rolls eyes)
Fanny: Yeah, it's cool - a Twilight/Moonlight crossover.
Artsie: I think we will review this one too someday.
Fanny: Anyway... one day, afragilelittlehuman offered Betti a bartering:
If Betti would make one of her famous animated buttons for "Breath Me"...
Artsie: Which is getting better with each chapter, by the way.
Fanny: ...then afragilelittlehuman would get her maybe some Twilight merchandize or anything like that, possibly not available in Germany.
Betti agreed to make the button, but couldn't think of anything she wanted in return - so she hatched out a wicked plan! (giggles)
Well, I wouldn't say...
Artsie: (raises hand) So did you NOT tell afragilelittlehuman to just trust you? Did you NOT say that you would think of something you might want later? And did you NOT leave her in the dark, just saying she would owe you until you figured it out? Huh???
Yes, but...
Artsie: In fact, afragilelittlehuman sort of sold her soul to you for just one button! (shakes head)
Two buttons, actually. Ok?
Jesus... what's wrong with you today?
Fanny: Yeah... whatever.
The ugly truth is, you gave her the button just to tighten the noose,
and the-hen... (raises index finger) you had the guts to take advantage of that deal by asking her to write this 1-2-3-whatever-shot-thing for you!
Whoa... diabolical!
(face-palms)
Artsie: But at least, Betti granted full artistical freedom. Except for one thing: she wanted one of her own songs - "Bedtime Stories" - to be a vital part of the story. Quite a challenge for the author, I'd say.
Fanny: Oh, but afragilelittlehuman... she's a brave one and stood up to it like fucking Virginia Woolf!
Artsie: Yep! So let's show exhibit A and B...
WTF...? (rubs temples with both hands)
Exhibit A: The Button
Exhibit B: The Song (Bedtime Stories by Betti Gefecht)
Fanny: I'm still wondering whether this was really a fair exchange.
I mean, even for two buttons, it is...
Ok. That's it! 'nuff said!
You little fiends either start reviewing the story NOW,
or I'll send you back to your padded cells in my brain
quicker than you can say "preventive detention"!
Do you get me?
Artsie: No need to be rude.
Fanny: (mutters under her breath) ...oh gawd - get a grip...
Thanks. (exhales slowly)
If you're back to reason then, Artsie, would you please...?
Artsie: Yes. First of all, I think it's absolutely brilliant how afragilelittlehuman managed to affect two purposes at once in this short story. One one hand, it's a story that stands for itself, i.e. if you read it without any knowledge of its back history, it will work perfectly nonetheless. Because it is conclusive and cleverly structured from the very beginning to its charmingly surprising punchline-like ending.
Fanny: But IF you know - and maybe even happen to know Betti - it's even better!
Artsie: That's right, Fanny. Because there are a lot of innuendos which refer to Betti - additionally to the mere reference to the song, that is - which make the story an unbelievably precious personal gift and even more intriguing to those who know.
I wasn't expecting it to be that... rich! Really.
It was kind of a shock to read it for the first time.
Awesome!
Artsie: But all references besides the song are blending in so smoothly, so facile written... one wouldn't even notice the hidden meaning, if it's not pointed out.
Fanny: You're sounding pretty mysterious, Artsie. Do you know that?
Artsie: It's hard to be more distinctive without giving spoilers. (shrugs)
So let's just get to business, shall we?
Scoring time!
TWI-LOVELINESS
How about romance?
Artsie: That's your field, Fanny.
Fanny: Mmmmh... I loved the romance!
It was different though - I didn't cry at all, you know.
Artsie: Oh really? That's a new one... (giggles)
Fanny: You might not have noticed yet, Artsie, but not everyone is in the emotional state of a raided fridge, ok? Mmph! It's just this time... well, the love story is so cute - it just makes you happy! And when it is unraveling at last... woot! (claps hands)
Artsie: Tears or no - it's a sweet and humorous one, meant to lighten up your heart.
Fanny: Yesssss!
Twi-Loveliness Scoring
2 out of 5 Wet Paper Tissues
We know so far the story is about Bella & Edward.
Let's see what else is there...
TWI-FIDELITY
How much Twilight is left?
Artsie: Let's say, afragilelittlehuman fired an unexpected single Twilight broadside in the surprising end of the story. But that's just it. This one-shot is very self-sufficient - which does it no harm.
Fanny: I was very pleased with everything.
Bella and Edward were sooo cute in this!
Twi-Fidelity Scoring
1 out of 5 Wettest Places in the Continental US
Fanny: Is it time? (jumps up and down) Do we talk lemons now? Do we??
Artsie: Yes, I'm afraid so... (sighs)
TWI-LECHERY
How hot is the plot?
I was so hoping there would be some lemon.
You know I love lemons.
Fanny: Lemons, lemons!
Artsie: Betti, I know you wanted your song to illustrate a bedroom scene, a seduction in the guise of a lullaby. Sweet and intimate, but at the same time holding the promise of a steemy erotic experience.
Yes?
Artsie: Well, if I had ever read anything where this special mix of sweetness, intimacy and sexual promise was perfectly captured - then it was this one-shot by fragilelittlehuman. Nothing to add.
Wow!
Fanny: Well, I could add something, ok.
Because it's hot!! When Edward pulls his shirt...
Artsie: I don't think we should go into that any further.
We all know about your naughty nature well enough. And besides: no spoilers!
Fanny: But I don't get it!
Artsie: Well, you know about the bees and the flowers, and how they...
Fanny: YesthismuchIknowthankyouArtsie!! (grunts)
Seriously, I'm confused.
Artsie: Tell me something new.
What is it, Fanny?
Fanny: When Edward pulls... I mean in the hotel, you know, when they dang-dang-dang... dingledangle... ack-ack-ack... (makes strange movements with her hands), ok? And then: Woooosh! And then they hear the last lines of the song. That's weird!
Artsie: (?)
(?)
Fanny: ...oh come on, guys! The song is what? 2:50 minutes?
Artsie: Well, maybe... uhm - there is another version of the song, perhabs...?
Fanny: See? (folds arms)
YOU!! (points index finger at Fanny)
You... you... just Cut! It! Out!
Twi-Lechery Scoring
3 out of 5 Wet Panties
Artsie: Betti? Are you ok?
(bangs forehead on the table) Mmh. Mh...
Artsie: Shall we quote our favourite passages now?
Mm-hmm.
FAVOURITE QUOTES
Something to remember...
Artsie: Ok. Here's mine...
"He raised his head, a playful look in his eyes. 'I couldn't help but notice that you seemed quite taken with my hands,' he said, running his hand across her stomach."
Fanny: Ooh - that's a good one! But mine is better. (giggles)
"Still, she thought, he could be a serial killer, a monster, an Amway salesman."
That's one of my favourites too.
Artsie: I'm glad to see you're better again, Betti.
Fanny: Your face just was kinda... green, you know.
Yeah, don't worry, girls. I'm fine.
Have you picked your three magic words from the story to sum it up?
Artsie: Of course.
THREE SINGLE WORDS
One sad, one happy, one romantic
Fanny: Loneliness. Yummy. Fireplace.
Artsie: Martini. Twitter. Velvet.
Thanks you. You did a great job, as always.
I'm sorry if I... it was just...
Fanny: We understand that, Betti. Never mind.
(generously pats Betti's back)
Artsie: Perhabs you want to add something yourself?
Yes, I want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH
to afragilelittlehuman for her wonderful gift.
Artsie: We should leave her alone now, Fanny. She needs a break.
Fanny: No prob. Don't bother to send us back, Betti,
we know the way, ok? Get well!
Yeah... whatever. See you soon.
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