Who the f*ck are Artsie & Fanny?

I am a split personality of sorts... 

Being an artist and musician myself, whenever I listen to music, read a novel, watch a movie, there are the two halfs of my mind struggling against each other: my Analytical Inner Artist, and my Average Inner Fangirl - namely: Artsie and Fanny.

They've always been there...

While my Inner Artist is always busy (which is irritating sometimes), my Inner Fangirl had a rough ride most of my life, more or less apathetically raising a feeble hand every once in a while only to slump down again, as though it just was false alarm. 

Because Artsie has always been pretty dominant, and pretty quick to be on the spot too. She's a nitpicking pain in the ass and not easy to please, which deprived me of unadulterated enjoyment of music or literature or else.

Just lately, Fanny made up some ground on her. More precisely: When I read "Twilight" by Stephenie Meyer, Fanny had her big moment - outcompeting Artsie thoroughly for the very first time! 

Hello, enthusiasm! Bye, peace of mind!

Since this time, they both are extremely agitated, constantly making at each other and driving me nuts. They definitely needed a job. So I decided to unleash them on the twific I learned to love recently, and have them review and recommend it on my blog. 

I use to call them out by using the red type font...

Artsie? Fanny?

Please say Hi and introduce yourselves.

Artsie: Glad to meetyou, dear readers.
Fanny: Hi everybody!! *waves frantically with both hands*
Artsie: So, yes... *clears throat* I'm very much into the arts and culture. I'm helping Betti with her music and such. And I didn't like Twilight, just saying.
Fanny: Well, I LOVE Twilight and I'm helpful too... I think. 

Artsie just can't get over the fact that I totally overruled her with Twilight. 

That's what she didn't like. *snorts*
Artsie: *rolls eyes* It is just Not. A. Good. Book.

Please behave, girls! Ok?

Artsie: I'm a pro. I can do that.
Fanny: No problem. If Artsie stops bitching at Twilight.

Yeah... whatever. See you later.

Ranting and Rating

Links to the reviews they did so far are listed at the top of my right sidebar.

Most of the time, Artsie and Funny will just do their own thing i.d. rant unhampered and unchecked, only occasionally and moderately guided by humble myself. 

They are asked though to fulfill certain tasks in every review: twi-rating, fave-quoting and a sum-up of the story in question by picking just three single words from it which they personally feel stand for the sad, the happy and the romantic vibe of the story. The following is the rating key:

TWI-LECHERY

How hot is the plot?

To answer this question, stories will be scored with

1 up to 5 Wet Panties

All of the fanfiction to be mentioned here, will certainly have some hotness in them. Ranging from erotic scenes viewed through a soft focus lense (1 Wet Panty), to rather explicit porn (5 Wet Panties).

TWI-LOVELINESS

Hot or not - if it comes to Twilight, we won't go without romance, right? Depending on how many tears they bring to your eyes, stories get

1 up to 5 Wet Paper Tissues

There should be one "I love you!" said, at least (1 Wet Paper Tissue). But I assure you, there are stories so heart wrenching, so deep and soul-stirring, that they make Twilight look like a sample test paper. Well, not quite. But anyway - these would be given 5 Wet Paper Tissues, of course.

TWI-FIDELITY

To evaluate how true the story sticks to the original plot of the books by Stephenie Meyer, the scores go from

1 up to 5 Wettest Places in the Continental US

Quite surprisingly, a lot of Twilight inspired fan fics go completely without vampires, to start with. There are stories where there's plainly nothing more left than boy-named-Edward-meets-girl-named-Bella (1 Wettest Place in the Continental US). In order to achieve 5 Wettest Places in the Continental US, the author would have to leave the universe created by Meyer completely intact, but may fill gaps, add scenes or tell it all from another character's view.

Have fun! 

And read fan fiction... there are shining talents out there!