Saturday, August 22, 2009

Twi-Fic I love: Your Forever Girl by uhyesplease

It took me some effort this time to get Artsie and Fanny out.
After reading this fan fiction by uhyesplease, they both withdrew for hours. 
Artsie mutely brooding in one corner of my mind, Fanny helplessly sobbing in the other. Whatever I tried, red type font, begging, ranting - they would refuse to buckle to work. - And then, all of a sudden... 

Oh - there you are!? 

Fanny: (sniffs) We're ready now. Could you...
Artsie: Yes, could just please list the basics, so we can... 

Of course! I'm glad you changed your minds finally.
But what... 

Artsie: The basics? Please?
Fanny: (sniffs

(?!?) Sure... 
  • Title: Your Forever Girl
  • Author: uhyesplease
  • Genre: romance/angst
  • Centered around: Edward & Bella 
  • Rated M: content suitable for adults and mature teens age 16+
  • Status: Finished / one-shot

So, now... what the heck was going on with you?
And why did you finally decide to come out after all?
Artsie: May I say first that you outdid yourself with that illustration this time? 

Stop flattering me, you won't get away with this shit!
Would anyone please be so kind as to fucking answer my question?!? 

Fanny: (sniffs)
Artsie: I don't know what happened, I was just... feeling weird. 
I think I might have caught a cold or something. Or maybe I had eaten some foul meat or... 


Artsie: Yes? 

You. Don't. Eat. 

Artsie: Yes.
Fanny: (sniffs


Artsie: Well, I was just... like... 
(whispers:) a little emotionally overwhelmed (clears throat
...or so. Maybe. I think.
Fanny: OMG Artsie! Were you all emo or what?
Artsie: I can't tell. All I know is: it hurt. But then again not. I felt a little... sick. But it wasn't all bad. And then I was like painfully missing something, and I couldn't even figure out what it was.
Fanny: (jaw dropped

Oh sweety, no need to be ashamed.
People call it feelings, and it's just alright. 
You were touched - that's beautiful! 

Artsie: Uhm...thank you. 
Fanny: (sniffs, jaw dropped

And what made you finally...? 

Artsie: It was the tweet.
Fanny: (nods fiercely) The tweet!
Artsie: THIS tweet:

So it was because uhyesplease said she loves you?

Fanny: Yes!
Artsie: No!!
Fanny: No?? (sniffs)
Artsie: Yes.

I don't understand, what... 

Artsie: I'm pissed!
Fanny: Did you actually say "pissed"? 
OMG... who are you?? And what did you do to Artsie???
Artsie: I'm really mad at her - at uhyesplease, I mean.  
She obviously thinks I'm... you... I mean: we!... are of low intelligence. 
Lying to us like that...
Fanny: What... lying? You mean, she doesn't love us?
Artsie: No, I suppose she does. But there is no, I repeat: NO way that this is her first fiction! This is just... ridiculous!! 
She is probably some pseudonymous writer with numerous books on the bestseller lists, hiding under this... this... joke of a screenname, so she can give vent to her wet fantasies and infest us with these heart-wrenching erotical missile - which is very disturbing, but hardly distracting from the fact that she brilliantly unfolds the personal histories of the two protagonists in all their complextity in just a few sentences, followed by a teaching play about love, faith, passion, the tragedy of missed chances and the power of life-determining decisions. 
No way! Who does she think I am?
Fanny: Woah...! 

Let me get this right, Artsie... so you think the story is good?

Artsie: (takes deep breath) It is flawless! 
And besides: I'm not going to review it.
Fanny: Uhm... I somehow thought, that you just did?
Artsie: No, I didn't.

But what about the rating? The Twi-Fidelity and...

Artsie: There is no Twi-Fidelity.
Fanny: But it's about Bella and Edward.
Artsie: I don't care. The names don't matter. This story has outgrown the limits of Twilight. And Fanny and I, we talked and we have decided to not rate the story at all.

Oh, YOU have decided? This is getting better and better...

Fanny: Yes, no wet panty scoring. Though... I mean, as to MY panties... (gasps) - I swear I saw the white light at one point.
Artsie: That must have been the point when you started licking my ear?
Fanny: Sorry, I couldn't help it.

WTF? Ok... before I kill you both, which will be in about 30 seconds, I'd really like to know WHAT in heaven's name are you pulling off here?!?

Artsie: We think it's time for the first S.H.A., Betti.
Fanny: (nods frantically)

Oh. No shit?

Artsie/Fanny: No shit.

Girls, that's awesome! I wholeheartedly agree with you here...

Artsie: So... (clears throat) in recognition of her extraordinary writing 
and deep inspiration in the field of romance and erotica...
Fanny: ... and because 5 Wet Pantys or Wet Paper Tissues 
are just nothing like enough...
Artsie: ... we'd like to award the dishonest author 
who goes by the absurd name of uhyesplease...
Fanny: ...with the first "Soulful Hotness Award". Tadaahh!!!  (claps hands)

Artsie: Congratulations!
Fanny: We love you too, uhyesplease! (throws kisses)

Artsie? Fanny? I'm very proud of you.
Do you want to add your fave quotes now?
And your three magic words?

Artsie: Of course.

Something to remember...

"I’ll be your friend, your lover, maybe someday even more than that. Whatever I can be for you, I will be."

"I will do everything possible to express all my love and lust for this woman in a few short minutes. Best of all: I’m going to school that pathetic seventeen year-old. I’m a man now. Better yet, I’m Edward fucking Cullen. My confidence rises. God, I love this woman."

One sad, one happy, one romantic

Artsie: Seven-zero-five. Doggurl. Blanket.
Fanny: Couples. Commando. Cute.

I thank you very much. And I really hope you will keep a bit of this new emotiveness, Artsie.

Artsie: What you are talking about? I was just a little indisposed...



uhyesplease said...

I'm typing with one hand cuz I'm on the floor right now trying to restart my heart!

Betti - you are so WIN!

Artsy - I know, it's hard to crack a tuff be-otch like yourself, but I'm happy to make you feel the angst a bit.....sorry, I mean, your welcome?

Fanny - Oh my fangirl - you are the best!!! I love you too - truly! And yes, there are lots of tissues involved with this sad tale.

I promise I'm not a 'real' writer! But I'm so glad you enjoyed it - even if it made you curl up in a ball for awhile.

Geez - I'm not sure what else to say, but I LOVE YOU!

Mrs. Vanquish said...

I just read the story at work this morning and it is soo lovely! Truly, uyesplease you have awesome writing skill.Thanks Betti for this wonderful review. Your award is wonderful!!!

Pushy Fox said...

Betti, Artsy & Fanny, I couldn't agree more with your assessment of uhyesplease's awesome story! It was lovely and heart-wrenching and HAWT as all HALE!!!!! I loved the banner you made for her and also the 1st ever Soulful Hotness Award. Go uhyesplease!!!!!!

Mrs. Robward said...

Betti, just so you know I dood it, I went a read said 1 shot. Normally I DONT read them b/c I always want more (I'm greedy like that) But I loved it!

I cried.

I left her a review & added her on Twitter.

Thanks for the rec, I guess that was a tit for a tat huh?

Luvers You German Sissy
Mrs. R