Monday, November 30, 2009

Artsie & Fanny pimping fan fic again

OK... so Artsie and Fanny (my inner analytical artist and my inner average fangirl) were pestering me again about recommending a fan fic. (If you still don't know them by now, check out Who the f*ck are Artsie & Fanny?)
It's been a long time since their last review, so without further ado: let's see what they have up their sleeves this time...

Artsie? Fanny? What's up?

Artsie: Thanks, Betti, first off, I want to say...
Fanny: Ok, right, yes... so I was reading the reviews of Your True Colors, ok? You know I like that one because I wanna do and marry that MysteryWard, and kill everybody who wants that too, alright? And then saw this name: SkittlesSB, and I checked her profile, and saw... oh, she had a story up too, got it? And yeah, so I checked it out, and it was about James, and I was WTF? James? I mean...


Fanny:, yes?

Let me just give our readers the basics, ok?
And then you can... ramble away... whatever...

Fanny: Ok. *shrugs*
Artsie: *shakes head*
  • Title: Memoirs of a Tracker
  • Author: SkittlesSB
  • Genre: suspense/tragedy
  • Centered around: James
  • Rated M: content suitable for adults and mature teens age 16+
  • Status: in progress

So what's so special about this story?

Fanny: What's so...? Are you kidding me? I almost peed my pants right away in chapter 1!
Artsie: Well, the genre is suspense and tragedy, for a change.
Fanny: God...yes - the suspense is killing me!! *jumps up and down*
Artsie: And the real tragedy is, that this gem of a story is almost going unnoticed yet. But it's definitely worth reading, people don't know what they are missing - so we decided to tell them.
Fanny: Yes!!

Hmm... maybe the problem is that it is about James?
I mean, nobody likes James, right?

Artsie: Well, that might be going to change with 'Memoirs of a Tracker', I daresay.
Fanny: I didn't like James either. But on the second thought... I mean, don't we all imagine Cam Gigandet thinking of James? Yummy, right? And then of course, there's Victoria! And though she's one of the bad vampires too, everybody seems to like Victoria...

Ok, girls. Tell us what's going on in this story.
Without spoilers, of course. Artsie?

Artsie: As implied by the title, the story gives us the background history of James, the nomad. It starts with the familiar scene in the ballet studio, told from James's POV. He's about to die, his life flashes by before his inner eyes, and we are thrown back into the year 1901, when he was sixteen and still human...
Fanny: And I swear, I fell in love with that boy in a split-second!!

Can you give us any more details without giving away too much?

Fanny: Uh...! *narrows eyes and forms claws with her hands* It's dark, and there's angst... *clenches fists* ...and violence! My hands were sweating and my heart was racing... and then... in chapter 3... *applies sudden death-grip to Betti's arm*


Fanny: ...oh, sorry, Betti! But in chapter 3, when these huge... ok, I can not say that, but 16-year-old Jimmy broke my heart... oh my God... the poor, brave boy...

That bad?

Artsie: Actually, Fanny told me, she wanted to slash her own wrists, because there are just three chapters yet.
Fanny: Yes, I can't wait for SkittlesSB to update. I mean, the gun? And the black men?? And...

Fanny - shhhhhhh...!!

Fanny: Yes, ok... no spoilers.
Artsie: That story is a win. It's written atmospherically tight and setting a dizzying pace, it draws you in from the very beginning and is incredibly thrilling. A yet undetected fan fic jewel that deserves a wider recognition.

So let's go to work... rating, quotes...

How much Twilight is left?

Artsie: I think we can give the full score here, because SkittlesSB gives us a yet untold story of the Twilight saga.
Fanny: Yes, but she starts with the original ballet studio scene, and we will be learning what brought James to Forks in the end.

Twi-Fidelity Scoring
5 out of 5 Wettest Places in the Continental US

How about romance?

Artsie: That's hard to judge yet.
Fanny: There will be some romance for sure! We all know Victoria loved her James fiercly!!
Artsie: Yes, but what about James? what if he is all messed up already when they meet for the first time?
Fanny: Oh... I don't know. Isn't that thrilling? Oh I can't wait...
Artsie: Let's just make a guess.
Fanny: Ok, what about two?

Twi-Loveliness Scoring
2 out of 5 Wet Paper Tissues

How hot is the plot?

Fanny: Lemons, lemons! SkittlesSB promised lemons in her author's note!!!
Artsie: But there weren't any yet, so again we can only guess.
Fanny: What did you expect? I mean, James is still sixteen now, and it's 1901, and he just barely survived that...
Artsie:Shhhhh...!!! Let's just say, judging from the quite graphic discriptions of violence by now, we can assume that the erotic scenes to come might well be equally uhm... captivating?

Twi-Lechery Scoring
3 out of 5 Wet Panties

Something to remember...

Artsie: Ok. Here's mine...
"There was no way to find my mother like this, it was too dark. I halted my tracks and wearily closed my eyes. I could always smell my mother when she was close. I could find anyone that way because everyone had their own scent. I searched the air with my nose and tilted my head around to hear her cries, or my father’s bellows. Then I caught it, the smell of daisies and fresh rain. Dirt flew behind me as I raced back to her."

Fanny: Ooh - daisies and fresh rain... isn't that sweet? I liked this one, from the preface:
"I should have been smarter, but I couldn’t resist the scent and I couldn’t resist the challenge. Something Laurent always told me was my weakness. Laurent, the crying little punk ass. I wonder how wimpy he was when he was human, probably cried like a little bitch the whole time he was changed. If by some miracle I survived this, I will make sure his ass ends up in the fire."

Thanks, ladies. Uhm... I understood you wanted to skip the three magic words this time because the story has just started, right?

Fanny: Yes, I would like to add a personal remark instead.

Go ahead.

Fanny: Dear friends and readers, if you value my sanity...
Artsie: ... or what is left of it after reading Twilight ten times...
Fanny: ...and if you want me to be happy, then please go to by using the link below, and encourage the talented SkittlesSB to update really, really soon by leaving her some review love, ok?!? I'm dying to know what happens next...
Artsie: So am I, admittedly.
Fanny: And I want to get to the lemons soon, of course *winks*
Artsie: Yeah, whatever...

Thanks, girls. And now... shoo shooo, back into the opposite corners of my mind where you belong!



uhyesplease said...

I loves me some James!!!!! Can't wait to check it out!

SmuttierThanYou said...

oohh! Heading that way now!

One Pushy Fox said...

There's nothing I wouldn't do for you, sweetie!!

laisha said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Honolulu Girl from Trueblood Twilight said...

It sounds very interesting. I always thought that each of SM characters could handle their own books. There's so much that can written.

Mrs. Vanquish said...

oooOooOo James and Victoria. Yes I love Victoria or I should better say I love Rachelle and I think Cam was great as James so I gonna read it when I find the time.

I even can't review my favorite Stories, like Breath Me, Your True Colors... I suck...

*waves at Fanny* I misssss you soooooo freaking much...!!!!!

and: Hey Artsie, are you glad to have Fanny back ?