The effect of reading rated M fan fic

The following conversation between me and my dear hubs took place yesterday night. It was very... pleasant.

To give credit to whom it belongs, I posted a transcript of it as a fan fic review (of sorts) on ff.net to... well, I'll tell you afterwards, ok?

- - - - - - - -

Somewhere in Northern Germany...

Mr.B: What's the matter with you, wife?
Betti: What do you mean? Can I not just snuggle into my hubs when I feel like it?
Mr.B: I don't know, you seem weird - why are you biting my neck?
Betti: Because I love you so much, and will do so for the rest of my life!
Mr.B: And you can't love me for the rest of your life without giving me a hickey?
Betti: Stop whining! I want to ask you something.
Mr.B: (warily) U-hu?
Betti: Don't you feel sometimes like taking me out for a picnic under the stars or anything?
Mr.B: WHAT?!?
Betti: You heard me.
Mr.B: Not really - you tongue was in my ear.
Betti: I just realized that you never really proposed to me and...
Mr.B: (with narrowed eyes) Were you just reading fan fic again?!?
Betti: Yes, but...
Mr.B: Aha!!
Betti: ?
Mr.B: No picnic, ok? It's December!
Betti: Proposal?
Mr.B: What were you reading?
Betti: EdwardtookBellaoutforapicnickunderthestarswherehepropoesedtoher!
Mr.B: And then? What happened then? Did Bella make Edgar a hickey?
Betti: It's Edward, and no - she didn't make a hickey. She said yes and then she f*cked him out off the orbit, ok?
Mr.B: I see. That's very romantic.
Betti: I know, right?

Mr.B raises from the couch, puts the plaid blanket down on the carpet and motions for Betti to sit down. He fetches two cups of yogurt from the fridge, and two spoons, and joins Betti on the floor. They eat silently. And then...

Mr.B: Betti Gefecht, if we weren't married yet, would you marry me? Again?
Betti: ...
Mr.B: Come on, yes or no?
Betti: I cannot answer immediately; you're supposed to be anxious and doubtful now. So when I finally say yes, you almost can't believe it and you are über-happy!
Mr.B: I can assure you I'm very doubtful indeed!
Betti: (huskily) Yes...!

Subsequent events censored for a reason.

30 Minutes later, the above 'review' was written...

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I thank fragilefoxes for the wonderful, romantic, touching and inspiring chapter 10 of In The Blood! *sighs*

And look - the hubs says Thank You, too!

The Lemon Sisters pulled my secret

Don't miss today's  MmmmMonday blogpost at The Lemon Sisters - the crazy girls interviewed me via skype and pulled all my secrets, dammit!

And while you're there - and just in case you like hot fan fic - hit the follow button to become a regular reader of the fabulous Lemon Sisters. 

They know best!!

So yes, the peekaboo girl here is me - Betti Gefecht a.k.a the Button Guru, a.k.a. the physical host of Artsie & Fanny, a.k.a the shy fan fic writer, known as...???

Please don't throw rotten tomatoes at me - I clearly prefer juicy lemons. Thanks!

Attack of the Oversized Tee

So yeah... I won "Rack of the Week" over at House of Jackassery. And I got a really nice RotW-shirt. Who knew I could have so much fun with a piece of fabric? Thanks, Smutty and Papa Smut!!

Yet more pimpage

Never knew how good black & white graphics do actually look on purple! Lovely Rachel Z. shed some of her love on "Your True Colors"  and my illus on her sweet blog My Life With A Twilight Obsession - a blog title we all can relate to, I think... *grins*  Thanks, honey!

Check her out by clicking the pic below, and hit her follow button!

The Lemon Sisters' MmmmMonday

"He seems too innocent, yet becomes

a smoldering sexpot at the drop of a hat.

I just want the hell out of him!"

The above is my fave quote of the wonderful fan fic review/recommendation of "Your True Colors", which was posted on The Lemon Sisters blog today. Who are they talking about? My beloved Kiddo/MysteryWard, of course. *swoon*

Oh, and they pimped some of my story illustrations too. I can't post them here because I don't want to put up a content warning for my blog - they're just too hot! Sorry...

So click the link or the pic to relish the MmmmmMonday, and don't forget to add yourself to their followers once you're there!

Artsie & Fanny pimping fan fic again

OK... so Artsie and Fanny (my inner analytical artist and my inner average fangirl) were pestering me again about recommending a fan fic. (If you still don't know them by now, check out Who the f*ck are Artsie & Fanny?)

It's been a long time since their last review, so without further ado: let's see what they have up their sleeves this time...

Artsie? Fanny? What's up?

Artsie: Thanks, Betti, first off, I want to say...
Fanny: Ok, right, yes... so I was reading the reviews of Your True Colors, ok? You know I like that one because I wanna do and marry that MysteryWard, and kill everybody who wants that too, alright? And then saw this name: SkittlesSB, and I checked her profile, and saw... oh, she had a story up too, got it? And yeah, so I checked it out, and it was about James, and I was WTF? James? I mean...

Fanny!

Fanny: ...um, yes?

Let me just give our readers the basics, ok?
And then you can... ramble away... whatever...

Fanny: Ok. *shrugs*
Artsie: *shakes head*

• Title: Memoirs of a Tracker
• Author: SkittlesSB
• Genre: suspense/tragedy
• Centered around: James
• Rated M: content suitable for adults and mature teens age 16+
• Status: in progress

So what's so special about this story?

Fanny: What's so...? Are you kidding me? I almost peed my pants right away in chapter 1!

Artsie: Well, the genre is suspense and tragedy, for a change.

Fanny: God...yes - the suspense is killing me!! *jumps up and down*

Artsie: And the real tragedy is, that this gem of a story is almost going unnoticed yet. But it's definitely worth reading, people don't know what they are missing - so we decided to tell them.

Fanny: Yes!!

Hmm... maybe the problem is that it is about James?

I mean, nobody likes James, right?

Artsie: Well, that might be going to change with 'Memoirs of a Tracker', I daresay.

Fanny: I didn't like James either. But on the second thought... I mean, don't we all imagine Cam Gigandet thinking of James? Yummy, right? And then of course, there's Victoria! And though she's one of the bad vampires too, everybody seems to like Victoria...

Ok, girls. Tell us what's going on in this story.

Without spoilers, of course. Artsie?

Artsie: As implied by the title, the story gives us the background history of James, the nomad. It starts with the familiar scene in the ballet studio, told from James's POV. He's about to die, his life flashes by before his inner eyes, and we are thrown back into the year 1901, when he was sixteen and still human...

Fanny: And I swear, I fell in love with that boy in a split-second!!

Can you give us any more details without giving away too much?

Fanny: Uh...! *narrows eyes and forms claws with her hands* It's dark, and there's angst... *clenches fists* ...and violence! My hands were sweating and my heart was racing... and then... in chapter 3... *applies sudden death-grip to Betti's arm*

Ouch!!!

Fanny: ...oh, sorry, Betti! But in chapter 3, when these huge... ok, I can not say that, but 16-year-old Jimmy broke my heart... oh my God... the poor, brave boy...

That bad?

Artsie: Actually, Fanny told me, she wanted to slash her own wrists, because there are just three chapters yet.

Fanny: Yes, I can't wait for SkittlesSB to update. I mean, the gun? And the black men?? And...

Fanny - shhhhhhh...!!

Fanny: Yes, ok... no spoilers.

Artsie: That story is a win. It's written atmospherically tight and setting a dizzying pace, it draws you in from the very beginning and is incredibly thrilling. A yet undetected fan fic jewel that deserves a wider recognition.

So let's go to work... rating, quotes...

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TWI-FIDELITY

How much Twilight is left?

Artsie: I think we can give the full score here, because SkittlesSB gives us a yet untold story of the Twilight saga.

Fanny: Yes, but she starts with the original ballet studio scene, and we will be learning what brought James to Forks in the end.

Twi-Fidelity Scoring

5 out of 5 Wettest Places in the Continental US

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TWI-LOVELINESS

How about romance?

Artsie: That's hard to judge yet.

Fanny: There will be some romance for sure! We all know Victoria loved her James fiercly!!

Artsie: Yes, but what about James? what if he is all messed up already when they meet for the first time?

Fanny: Oh... I don't know. Isn't that thrilling? Oh I can't wait...

Artsie: Let's just make a guess.

Fanny: Ok, what about two?

Twi-Loveliness Scoring

2 out of 5 Wet Paper Tissues

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TWI-LECHERY

How hot is the plot?

Fanny: Lemons, lemons! SkittlesSB promised lemons in her author's note!!!

Artsie: But there weren't any yet, so again we can only guess.

Fanny: What did you expect? I mean, James is still sixteen now, and it's 1901, and he just barely survived that...

Artsie:Shhhhh...!!! Let's just say, judging from the quite graphic discriptions of violence by now, we can assume that the erotic scenes to come might well be equally uhm... captivating?

Twi-Lechery Scoring

3 out of 5 Wet Panties

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FAVOURITE QUOTES

Something to remember...

Artsie: Ok. Here's mine...

"There was no way to find my mother like this, it was too dark. I halted my tracks and wearily closed my eyes. I could always smell my mother when she was close. I could find anyone that way because everyone had their own scent. I searched the air with my nose and tilted my head around to hear her cries, or my father’s bellows. Then I caught it, the smell of daisies and fresh rain. Dirt flew behind me as I raced back to her."

Fanny: Ooh - daisies and fresh rain... isn't that sweet? I liked this one, from the preface:

"I should have been smarter, but I couldn’t resist the scent and I couldn’t resist the challenge. Something Laurent always told me was my weakness. Laurent, the crying little punk ass. I wonder how wimpy he was when he was human, probably cried like a little bitch the whole time he was changed. If by some miracle I survived this, I will make sure his ass ends up in the fire."

----------

Thanks, ladies. Uhm... I understood you wanted to skip the three magic words this time because the story has just started, right?

Fanny: Yes, I would like to add a personal remark instead.

Go ahead.

Fanny: Dear friends and readers, if you value my sanity...

Artsie: ... or what is left of it after reading Twilight ten times...

Fanny: ...and if you want me to be happy, then please go to fanfiction.net by using the link below, and encourage the talented SkittlesSB to update really, really soon by leaving her some review love, ok?!? I'm dying to know what happens next...

Artsie: So am I, admittedly.

Fanny: And I want to get to the lemons soon, of course *winks*

Artsie: Yeah, whatever...

Thanks, girls. And now... shoo shooo, back into the opposite corners of my mind where you belong!

Links:

• Memoirs of a Tracker on fanfiction.net
• SkittlesSB profile on Fanfiction.net

Bye bye Breathe Me...

Today, one of my favourite fan fiction authors posted the last chapter of one of my favourite fan fictions: "Breathe Me" by afragilelittlehuman. Yes, all things must end... *sigh*

Whenever my story alert noticed me a new chapter had been posted, I clicked the link right away to devour it on the spot. This morning it took me almost two hours before I did so, because reading the last chapter meant to end it, and I didn't want it to end.

The illustration above is my 'BreatheMe'-farewell gift to fragile, who never ceased to surprise me with smart twist and turns - daring, unexpected, touching - and her inspired and insightful writing.

• Breathe Me (a Twilight/moonlight crossover fan fiction)
• Interview with afragilelittlehuman on Let's Ride The Vanquish

Betti & MrsVanquish met for NM

In case you missed pt.1 of this little comic, check out "Alice sees the future" first. Well, noone would ever bet against Alice... but there were a few things she hadn't foreseen. Mrs.V and I fucking did it! And I learned a lot!

And here's how it started...

Betti's trip started more than awesome: 

she met "RPattz 2.0" on the train!

Yikes, her lovely morning eye candy!!! She hadn't 

seen him in weeks, and there... that had to be a sign!!

Plus: she got her shit together and finally talked to him. 

She was really, really eloquent and scared the shit 

out of the poor boy. But he's got her number. Strike!

But there was more yumminess to come:

the hamburg soccer team was on the plane! 

Betti was almost the only female among a horde

of sports gods in their twenties. Did she have a

pleasant flight? Ooohh yeaahhhh!!

First thing Betti learned about Mrs.V: 

She's even smaller than Mini-E!

Well, not really... but when they hugged, Betti

still had to bend her head down a little in order

to place an Edwardly kiss on Mrs.V's hair

(which she did a few times, because it feels

really nice to hug and kiss small Mrs.V)

Mrs.V also is an extraordinary generous 

host and a hell of a cook!

And she was very concerned about Betti's weight, 

or better: her lack of weight. So she made a magic

Lasagne with mythical ingredients that made Betti

ask for more two times! Betti already considered

bursting of pasta a good way to die, but she hadn't 

seen New Moon yet, so...

They delighted each other with awesome

presents to celebrate their twi-gagement!

There were New Moon fan wristbands and badges, CDs, 

magazines, posters, twi-gagement bracelets for both

and a fucking Mini-E for Betti!!! Oh, and not to forget the 

noodles in the shape of small planes... yeah, dont ask!

Betti also learned that Mrs.V actually

deserves her nickname WIME*

(*Water In My Eyes). She didnt even bother

to wipe the tears away after a while. She cried

from minute one to the end credits, even when

she laughed. During the movie, there was 

frequently hand-holding, snuggling and 

death-gripping going on with Betti and Mrs.V.

Betti will always remember the romantic

nights with Mrs.V on her balcony!

One can truly say, the bond between them has tightened 

during the exciting weekend they spent together.

If possible, they do love each other even more now.

Mrs.V even showed Betti her stemm cells! Well, not

her own personal stemm cells, of course...

and Betti coped extraordinary well with the iPhoning,

macbooking and flatscreening. So... watching Eclipse

together is a done deal!!