Artsie & Fanny pimping fan fic again

OK... so Artsie and Fanny (my inner analytical artist and my inner average fangirl) were pestering me again about recommending a fan fic. (If you still don't know them by now, check out Who the f*ck are Artsie & Fanny?)

It's been a long time since their last review, so without further ado: let's see what they have up their sleeves this time...

Artsie? Fanny? What's up?

Artsie: Thanks, Betti, first off, I want to say...
Fanny: Ok, right, yes... so I was reading the reviews of Your True Colors, ok? You know I like that one because I wanna do and marry that MysteryWard, and kill everybody who wants that too, alright? And then saw this name: SkittlesSB, and I checked her profile, and saw... oh, she had a story up too, got it? And yeah, so I checked it out, and it was about James, and I was WTF? James? I mean...

Fanny!

Fanny: ...um, yes?

Let me just give our readers the basics, ok?
And then you can... ramble away... whatever...

Fanny: Ok. *shrugs*
Artsie: *shakes head*

• Title: Memoirs of a Tracker
• Author: SkittlesSB
• Genre: suspense/tragedy
• Centered around: James
• Rated M: content suitable for adults and mature teens age 16+
• Status: in progress

So what's so special about this story?

Fanny: What's so...? Are you kidding me? I almost peed my pants right away in chapter 1!

Artsie: Well, the genre is suspense and tragedy, for a change.

Fanny: God...yes - the suspense is killing me!! *jumps up and down*

Artsie: And the real tragedy is, that this gem of a story is almost going unnoticed yet. But it's definitely worth reading, people don't know what they are missing - so we decided to tell them.

Fanny: Yes!!

Hmm... maybe the problem is that it is about James?

I mean, nobody likes James, right?

Artsie: Well, that might be going to change with 'Memoirs of a Tracker', I daresay.

Fanny: I didn't like James either. But on the second thought... I mean, don't we all imagine Cam Gigandet thinking of James? Yummy, right? And then of course, there's Victoria! And though she's one of the bad vampires too, everybody seems to like Victoria...

Ok, girls. Tell us what's going on in this story.

Without spoilers, of course. Artsie?

Artsie: As implied by the title, the story gives us the background history of James, the nomad. It starts with the familiar scene in the ballet studio, told from James's POV. He's about to die, his life flashes by before his inner eyes, and we are thrown back into the year 1901, when he was sixteen and still human...

Fanny: And I swear, I fell in love with that boy in a split-second!!

Can you give us any more details without giving away too much?

Fanny: Uh...! *narrows eyes and forms claws with her hands* It's dark, and there's angst... *clenches fists* ...and violence! My hands were sweating and my heart was racing... and then... in chapter 3... *applies sudden death-grip to Betti's arm*

Ouch!!!

Fanny: ...oh, sorry, Betti! But in chapter 3, when these huge... ok, I can not say that, but 16-year-old Jimmy broke my heart... oh my God... the poor, brave boy...

That bad?

Artsie: Actually, Fanny told me, she wanted to slash her own wrists, because there are just three chapters yet.

Fanny: Yes, I can't wait for SkittlesSB to update. I mean, the gun? And the black men?? And...

Fanny - shhhhhhh...!!

Fanny: Yes, ok... no spoilers.

Artsie: That story is a win. It's written atmospherically tight and setting a dizzying pace, it draws you in from the very beginning and is incredibly thrilling. A yet undetected fan fic jewel that deserves a wider recognition.

So let's go to work... rating, quotes...

----------

TWI-FIDELITY

How much Twilight is left?

Artsie: I think we can give the full score here, because SkittlesSB gives us a yet untold story of the Twilight saga.

Fanny: Yes, but she starts with the original ballet studio scene, and we will be learning what brought James to Forks in the end.

Twi-Fidelity Scoring

5 out of 5 Wettest Places in the Continental US

----------

TWI-LOVELINESS

How about romance?

Artsie: That's hard to judge yet.

Fanny: There will be some romance for sure! We all know Victoria loved her James fiercly!!

Artsie: Yes, but what about James? what if he is all messed up already when they meet for the first time?

Fanny: Oh... I don't know. Isn't that thrilling? Oh I can't wait...

Artsie: Let's just make a guess.

Fanny: Ok, what about two?

Twi-Loveliness Scoring

2 out of 5 Wet Paper Tissues

----------

TWI-LECHERY

How hot is the plot?

Fanny: Lemons, lemons! SkittlesSB promised lemons in her author's note!!!

Artsie: But there weren't any yet, so again we can only guess.

Fanny: What did you expect? I mean, James is still sixteen now, and it's 1901, and he just barely survived that...

Artsie:Shhhhh...!!! Let's just say, judging from the quite graphic discriptions of violence by now, we can assume that the erotic scenes to come might well be equally uhm... captivating?

Twi-Lechery Scoring

3 out of 5 Wet Panties

----------

FAVOURITE QUOTES

Something to remember...

Artsie: Ok. Here's mine...

"There was no way to find my mother like this, it was too dark. I halted my tracks and wearily closed my eyes. I could always smell my mother when she was close. I could find anyone that way because everyone had their own scent. I searched the air with my nose and tilted my head around to hear her cries, or my father’s bellows. Then I caught it, the smell of daisies and fresh rain. Dirt flew behind me as I raced back to her."

Fanny: Ooh - daisies and fresh rain... isn't that sweet? I liked this one, from the preface:

"I should have been smarter, but I couldn’t resist the scent and I couldn’t resist the challenge. Something Laurent always told me was my weakness. Laurent, the crying little punk ass. I wonder how wimpy he was when he was human, probably cried like a little bitch the whole time he was changed. If by some miracle I survived this, I will make sure his ass ends up in the fire."

----------

Thanks, ladies. Uhm... I understood you wanted to skip the three magic words this time because the story has just started, right?

Fanny: Yes, I would like to add a personal remark instead.

Go ahead.

Fanny: Dear friends and readers, if you value my sanity...

Artsie: ... or what is left of it after reading Twilight ten times...

Fanny: ...and if you want me to be happy, then please go to fanfiction.net by using the link below, and encourage the talented SkittlesSB to update really, really soon by leaving her some review love, ok?!? I'm dying to know what happens next...

Artsie: So am I, admittedly.

Fanny: And I want to get to the lemons soon, of course *winks*

Artsie: Yeah, whatever...

Thanks, girls. And now... shoo shooo, back into the opposite corners of my mind where you belong!

Links:

• Memoirs of a Tracker on fanfiction.net
• SkittlesSB profile on Fanfiction.net

Bye bye Breathe Me...

Today, one of my favourite fan fiction authors posted the last chapter of one of my favourite fan fictions: "Breathe Me" by afragilelittlehuman. Yes, all things must end... *sigh*

Whenever my story alert noticed me a new chapter had been posted, I clicked the link right away to devour it on the spot. This morning it took me almost two hours before I did so, because reading the last chapter meant to end it, and I didn't want it to end.

The illustration above is my 'BreatheMe'-farewell gift to fragile, who never ceased to surprise me with smart twist and turns - daring, unexpected, touching - and her inspired and insightful writing.

• Breathe Me (a Twilight/moonlight crossover fan fiction)
• Interview with afragilelittlehuman on Let's Ride The Vanquish

Betti & MrsVanquish met for NM

In case you missed pt.1 of this little comic, check out "Alice sees the future" first. Well, noone would ever bet against Alice... but there were a few things she hadn't foreseen. Mrs.V and I fucking did it! And I learned a lot!

And here's how it started...

Betti's trip started more than awesome: 

she met "RPattz 2.0" on the train!

Yikes, her lovely morning eye candy!!! She hadn't 

seen him in weeks, and there... that had to be a sign!!

Plus: she got her shit together and finally talked to him. 

She was really, really eloquent and scared the shit 

out of the poor boy. But he's got her number. Strike!

But there was more yumminess to come:

the hamburg soccer team was on the plane! 

Betti was almost the only female among a horde

of sports gods in their twenties. Did she have a

pleasant flight? Ooohh yeaahhhh!!

First thing Betti learned about Mrs.V: 

She's even smaller than Mini-E!

Well, not really... but when they hugged, Betti

still had to bend her head down a little in order

to place an Edwardly kiss on Mrs.V's hair

(which she did a few times, because it feels

really nice to hug and kiss small Mrs.V)

Mrs.V also is an extraordinary generous 

host and a hell of a cook!

And she was very concerned about Betti's weight, 

or better: her lack of weight. So she made a magic

Lasagne with mythical ingredients that made Betti

ask for more two times! Betti already considered

bursting of pasta a good way to die, but she hadn't 

seen New Moon yet, so...

They delighted each other with awesome

presents to celebrate their twi-gagement!

There were New Moon fan wristbands and badges, CDs, 

magazines, posters, twi-gagement bracelets for both

and a fucking Mini-E for Betti!!! Oh, and not to forget the 

noodles in the shape of small planes... yeah, dont ask!

Betti also learned that Mrs.V actually

deserves her nickname WIME*

(*Water In My Eyes). She didnt even bother

to wipe the tears away after a while. She cried

from minute one to the end credits, even when

she laughed. During the movie, there was 

frequently hand-holding, snuggling and 

death-gripping going on with Betti and Mrs.V.

Betti will always remember the romantic

nights with Mrs.V on her balcony!

One can truly say, the bond between them has tightened 

during the exciting weekend they spent together.

If possible, they do love each other even more now.

Mrs.V even showed Betti her stemm cells! Well, not

her own personal stemm cells, of course...

and Betti coped extraordinary well with the iPhoning,

macbooking and flatscreening. So... watching Eclipse

together is a done deal!!

The Yet Unexplored Land

When I found out a while ago, that a male (yes: male!) Twilight fan was among my followers, I was beyond excited.

Well, I've always been pretty sure that male twihards existed, but to actually meet one is a little like seeing the monster of Loch Ness. In my excitement, I wrote him a mail in which I congratulated him, being my first follower with a wiener. He mailed me back, and after we had mailed forth and back a few times I saw, he was a cool guy and very open and funny - so I asked him for this interview. To my great pleasure, and despite my threat to put Artsie and Fanny in charge, he said yes. So please enjoy the mystery tour into the yet unexplored land:

---

The Mind of a Male Twihard

ARTSIE: So please tell us who you are in three or so sentences.

IWACP: Three sentences.... thats it? Wow - great way to start an interview, limit me to three sentences. Thanks a lot Artsie! *winks at Fanny* OK - first off, I would like to thank Betti for letting you two beautiful ladies interview me for such a wonderful blog!!!!

ARTSIE: As far as I know, Betti asked for this interview. But I'm sure she will appreciate your kind words.

IWACP: So about me... I am a 26 year old male, hopeless romantic. I coach fast pitch softball, I have ambitions of being a police officer. I enjoy drawing self portraits, watching and participating in a majority of sports, trying new beer, watching the U.F.C, and of course reading Twilight.       

ARTSIE:  And you sure, you're a guy?

IWACP:  *laughs* The last time I checked *winks at fanny* Would you like pictures?

FANNY: Oh, pictures, yes!! I'd love to see some! And you are drawing? Well, you know, I'm drawing too. Did you see my storyboards and portraits of the Twilight casts? Oh... ooOOooh - is that Alice?? Let me see...

IWACP:  Yes... uhm -  I'm not too happy with it though, it looks awkward. I'm going to do it again... im working on Edward right now.

FANNY: You did that?! What do you mean, 'not too happy with it'? It's awesome!! See, Artsie? He's even artistic!!

IWACP: Oh, well... thank you, Fanny!

ARTSIE:  Ok. But that's not why we are here!

Why in hell did you read Twilight???

Who made you, and what did they held over your head????

Or worse, did you see the movie first, and then...?

IWACP: *sighs* I saw the movie first...I work very close to a movie theater and couldn't believe the turn out of women at midnight for a movie. The line stretched around the building. I was shocked, so I called my sister to figure out what the deal was? She explained the phenom and acted like I was dumb for not knowing what it was. We ended up going the next day to see the movie. I enjoyed the low budget film, and wanted to know what happened. I bought the books and had them done in a week.... who knew!!! 

ARTSIE: So it's actually worse than I thought....

FANNY: Artsie!!! Just because he...

Really - he's our guest! And such a nice guy...

I apologize on behalf of the of the other half.

IWACP: It's all good. *whispers to Fanny:* I think she might be jealous of us *wink wink* 

FANNY: *whispers back:* So true! *giggles*

OK - do you have a girlfriend? *waggles eyebrows*

ARTSIE: This really doesn't belong here, Fanny,

FANNY: Yes, it does! 

I mean, you're not gay, or... are you??

IWACP: Artsie, its ok! She can ask what ever she likes, i am an open book!!  

I don't have a girlfriend. I attract crazies that have no clue what they want.... the last one actually made fun of me for liking Twilight, so I knew it wouldn't work out. 

FANNY: Oh noez - say it ain't so! What a bitch!! I would never...

IWACP: I know, Fanny. I am a hopeless romantic; that's what attracted me to the story. So I have hope that my own personal Bella is out there. (even though I would prefer Alice but I think you know what I'm saying) 

FANNY: Awwww....

IWACP: And no, I am not gay. I might have stereotypical gay tendencies... shopping, a sense of style, fabulous hair... using the word fabulous. But I like women, there is nothing more beautiful then a woman's body *blushes*

FANNY:  See? Ha!

ARTSIE: Yeah, yeah... what is it about the name?

Alice Cullen's pajamas? That's weird...

IWACP: Well... first off, Alice Cullen is my fictional crush, so I wanted to use a name that would express that. I came across a sticker on myspace that said "Superman wears Alice Cullen pajamas". So if Superman can wear pajamas, that have Alice Cullen on them, so can I.  

ARTSIE: Superman wears Ali........ uhm.... really?

FANNY: Good answer, dude!!! *claps hands* Gimme five! *does high five with IWACP*

Ok, back to Twilight - can you name your three most fave Twilight moments, whether from the books or the movie, and tell us why you like them and how you felt when you read/watched them, please?

ARTSIE: Oh gawwd... *rolls eyes*

IWACP: How bout both?

Top 3 from the series: 

1. Bella turning... Bella sometimes can get on my nerves while human. After she turned we finally got to see her from the vampires perspective. She was much more enjoyable to read about after she wasn't so fragile any more.

2. The fight from Eclipse - I loved it, I actually wished she'd split the two fights up like what she did in Breaking Dawn with Bella's story and Jacob's story. I would have loved to read about the rest of the Cullen's fighting.

3. The goodbyes in Breaking Dawn - I have to admit I cried when Bella has to say goodbye to Reneesme, and Jacob it broke my heart. If a book can get me to cry then it has to be a top emotional moment.

FANNY: Oh... did you know, that Edward saying Goodbye to Jacob ... "my brother" and such *swoons* ... that's Betti's No1-fave-moment of the whole series? I swear!

IWACP: Oh really? ok... the movie: 

1. Edward sucking the venom out of Bella when she starts to fade. I hate the way he looks, but the song that is playing in the background (let me sign - by rob) makes the whole scene. It plucked at my heart

FANNY: Oh... that's Betti's No1-fave-moment of the movie! You have a lot in common with her...

IWACP: 2. Meeting the family was a very comical scene - "wow she does smell good",  rose breaking the bowl, Alice being so friendly and Jasper struggling to be in the room.

3. The fight scene and the baseball scene were a toss up for 3. I like the baseball scene, because of 'hello, baseball!' - the first scene kinda ment for guys....., and I liked the fight scene, because another scene to attract the men, but that Alice is the fierce one it's so HOT!!!!!!!

ARTSIE: I see. *clears throat* Do your friends make fun of you a lot because of this Twilight thing? Are there any friends left at all? Or do you hide your... uhm, problem?

FANNY:  Artsie!!!! I'll tell Betti! You're so rude...

IWACP: I have plenty of friends, and they constantly make fun of me for liking twilight. The female friends love it, but it's my male friends that give me a hard time. 

I actually don't hide it. I'm proud of it. You have to be very comfortable in your sexuality to admit it, and I am so I have no issue with it. 

 

FANNY:  Yeah!!! *pumps fist* Twihard and proud of it! *shares another high five with IWACP*

ARTSIE: *shakes head*

FANNY: Never mind Artsie. I love you!

Are you very excited about the NM movie?? Ohmygod, I'm half died already!! What are you looking forward to the most?

IWACP: I'm very excited - actually one movie theater in town has already sold out of its first two showings, but I will find a way to get in, I got the hook up :) ...what I look forward to the most besides Alice Cullen having a more prominent role in this movie: I'm looking forward to the budget they got to spend, it should make for better special effects, better scenes, and a better movie... oh. I can't forget the wolves!  

FANNY: Uhh... and are you a spoiler bunny?

IWACP: I am. I cant resist, it's so tempting to watch. I just saw the break up scene and the Volturi scene on the danger magnet. I was very impressed 1. Rob's american accent seems less forced, and he made the words he said hurt... I felt bad for Bella after watching Edward say those lines (Kristen *shrugs* seemed a little more believable, she showed a tiny range of emotion). The Volturi scene seems a little different from the book. Tthey seemed to add a little more action to it which can be a good move in my opinion.

ARTSIE: What about fan fic? Do you know any?

FANNY: Fan fic, yes... oh, good question, Artsie!

IWACP: You had to ask this question didn't you.... Yes, I have read some actually, and I'm not sure I was ready for what I found *eyes widen*. The first ones I read were the ones Betti has recommended *jaw dropped*. All I can say is wow those stories were very descriptive. 

FANNY: Yeah, right?

IWACP: I read "I favor fire" which had a very funny ending, your "forever girl" which actually frustrated me to no end.... Im a monogamous type of person to read that she cheated - ouch!!! "Bedtime stories" was nice and light, and somewhat comical. "clipped wings and inked armor" was well written but I got done with the first chapter, realized there were 21 more and gave up. 

ARTSIE: Big mistake, just saying...

IWACP: I also have read some that Cutie from S.S.T.B recommended that were a little more tame. I like the idea of fans recreating or finishing a story.  And of course, the lemons in all the stories were well written, very descriptive and very easy to visualize.      

FANNY: Oh, you shoud read Your True Colors btw. I figured you like Betti... a little? As the woman she is, I mean? You said she's hot and else... so just so you know, that story is losely based on events from her RL, did you know that? *wink*

IWACP: *gapes* 

 

FANNY: Uhm, well... anyway...  *cough* did it bother you that there were no lemons in Twilight?

IWACP: *laughs* Not really, knowing S.M. conservative background. I think she actually may have pushed her boundaries a little, I found Bella to get more and more suggestive (rightfully so it is her bf / husband) as the story progressed.

FANNY: Do you like the lemons in those fan fics??

IWACP: *blushes* They weren't bad.

FANNY: Awwww... Artsie, look - he blushes! Isn't that sweet? Come here, you... *jumps IWACP and smooches him fiercly on the cheek*

IWACP: Oh... what... uhm, yes - can someone please explain to me why you call them lemons though?? I have a few ideas but I'm probably way off .....

ARTSIE: Oh, how did I know you would ask that question? Anyway, this is what wikipedia has to say about that:

Explicit sex stories in general, especially in anime fan fiction, are known as lemon, lemony-goodness, and lemonade, a term which comes from a Japanese slang term meaning "sexy" that itself derives from an early pornographic cartoon series called Cream Lemon. The term lime denotes a story that has sexual themes but is not necessarily explicit. "Lemon" stories without much plot other than sex are also referred to as smutfics or as PWPs ("Porn Without Plot" or "Plot? What Plot?"). These terms are also sometimes used now to describe original amateur fiction that is published online.

FANNY: Uhu...  thanks, Artsie. 

Back to you, IWACP. So you read these lemons.... and then? I mean, what's going on then??? Come on... does it work? No need to be shy here, you know. We're even rating stories here by a Wet Panty count, ok?

ARTSIE: Jesus, Fanny! What do you want to hear? Three out of five marble boners?!

You don't need to answer that, IWACP...

IWACP: Artsie, it's cool! Remember? Open book! Ok, I now understand why you use that rating... men can get turned on by the most simple of things. So if it can dampen panties *feels weird for saying that* it can turn us on without a problem.... so, yes it works!!!

FANNY: Can I see?

ARTSIE: Fanny!!! This is really... God! Get a grip, will you?!

FANNY: Ok, ok... *giggles* Was worth a try,,,

IWACP: Thanks so much for having me, ladies, all three of you! I hope we can do this again *winks at Fanny one more time* 

FANNY: *winks back* Any time, sweetheart...

ARTSIE: Well... thanks, IWACP, for this remarkable and enlightening interview. I've learned a lot, which is a good thing. I think. Or so. 

FANNY: It is, Artsie! And... hey, folks - the guy is so brave, outing himself, talking lemony goodness and such... give him some love, ladies, and comment!!